I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
