she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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