You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
