he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
