Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
