oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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