Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
