Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
