Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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