i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
