You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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