I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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