remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
