I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
