Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
