I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
