The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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