How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
