So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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