I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
