physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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