My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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