Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
