she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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