On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I have vodka in my lungs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
