No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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