After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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