so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
