He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
