My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
