I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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