after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
