If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
