She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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