You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
