She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
