Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
