Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
