I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
