the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
