Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
