I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
