two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
