I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
