no, he came in my armpit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
