i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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