The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
