just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
