if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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