just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
