Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
