On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
