There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
