I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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