i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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