never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
