Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
