I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
