I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
