Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize