I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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