he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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