a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
