on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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