after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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