he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
