I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
